So We Begin
(sacrum from hell)
Nobody planned for this, nobody expected this.
But these things happen all the time.
You may be a wise man but you can’t see around every corner. This is what my winter felt like. It truly was the first time in any winter where it felt like nothing really worked for me.
At the same time- there were separate moments that stick out in my head more than any in my time on skis. The weightless you feel riding out a trick that supersedes anything you had in your head that day. Having Henrik jumping at the bottom like tigger after you both go back to back on a feature. Then, moments that feel as if they were hand selected from the dark side life & placed upon you.
Not moving for three weeks simply wondering what has happened to me. To walking back and forth in a meter deep swimming pool fifty times because some guy from India told you it would make your back feel better (London).
The sport of skiing offers a full pallet of colors, when were lucky we get to choose our strokes with care and ease. Other times it’s getting told what to paint and with what colors. This time, I’d be painting the picture of healing. And that’s how my season went, this has carried over into current day, I am healing, though it feels like it is taking forever. It took months to accept my pain and get ready to re-engineer my body. Feels easier writing it than doing it. I would try and distract myself with things that kept my pain and feelings at bay. Then one day I couldn’t do it anymore.
I called someone who has been someone I’d ultimately end up calling on at many points in my life. My now TM, mentor & friend, Josh Bishop. At that point I had to change my behavior. Give up on any sort of activity, fun or distraction that I’d normally do or have until I could figure out what was wrong. Throughout March I was skiing on and off. These days were few and far between. They were fun because they felt rare. Almost like a weekend warrior again, but I was always in pain.
By April I knew, It was a bust. Season’s over, canceling all my current plans. There was plenty wrong with the lower part of my body. Essentially where you hinge at the hips. By the time I decided to get different help from what I had tried already been trying, it was late May.
A month has passed since then and my body is starting to slowly come alive again. After seeing a spine specialist, chiropractors and a physical therapist (all who helped in their own ways) It has been an Osteopath that has put me on the path to healing. It’s interesting having a focus on something you can’t quite get back to yet, physically, This is the part where you change and have to recenter. Not drawing outside the lines too much (maybe a little). You take the patient time and hold it close to your heart, develop a new energy to come back stronger in every way imaginable.
Brain Download. V1 6/28/24
Eyes closed, on my back, brain is taking a walk. Black is what we see unless we paint a picture in our head. Usually we do. In this case, breathing is what I’m doing. Time elapses, with that- the feeling of settling in. Then comes the wave of deeper media. Sub conscious, flicked on. Moments, people, places and feelings that were stored away deep in the hard drive. I’m having a conversation with my uncle that passed over a decade ago. Asking about his battle with drugs, telling him how impressive it was that he could backflip off a bridge next to my thirteen year old self. To me that was normal, to him I guess it was normal too. Even if we were thirty seven years apart. Next I’m asking J.P Auclair questions, telling him that I admire his career and what he did for the brand of Armada. Noting that he was a bright human that seemed to simply make people feel good. New pathways are opening, slowly but surely. This is happening all the while I’m getting worked on by my Osteopath.
When someone tells you that you are going to become a new human after a process is over, that sort of feels like looking at a wave that is about to crash and you’re too far away to dive under and too close to get far enough up the beach to simply watch it explode. You know what’s coming. You can either brace in disapproval or take one on the noggin and dissipate with the wave seeming to rise out of the ashes on the beach. I am now learning that as an athlete I have been playing in this awkward in-between. Energy spent playing defense. Injuries that stack up, losing friends, not living up to personal expectations, missing family. You don’t realize the amount you can hold onto until you’re forced to look deeper. All this has added up to a large sum in my twenty six years on this planet. Now- I’m climbing a mountain of information & energy that I’ve stored the first quarter of my life… To plant the flag at the top and simply jump off & spread my new wings. (Bald Eagle)
Brain download V2. 7/5/24 (personal favorite)
The fifth of July is always a bit of a clunky one if you’re plugged into society. If not it’s just another ripper of a day. Mine felt a little oblong from the beginning. Before I go any further forward let me go back. Ahhh the fourth of July. A little different every year but without fail makes me proud to be an American.
Beers falling out of the sky, alligator straight off the grill on Hawaiian buns. A must in the air from bodies colliding in a mosh pit while hundreds of others watch from the ice plant colosseum. It may as well be a scene from Dune. Then, talking to a lively older guy who gave me the tour of his newly remodeled home that used to be his parents. Stories, people and cultures intertwining into one beautiful day. Back to the awkwardness, the fifth of July. Marine layer is hanging around a lottle too long. The girl you went to the party with you woke up next to so at least you know you weren’t dreaming the whole time. It’s cold at the beach but you’re there anyway. Even though you were sober on the fourth you’re still fried.
The main reason I wanted to write today is to document one moment in particular. You know when you start seeing a girl, eventually you meet the parents. You don’t really don’t know the vibe around the house when you first meet. This is my first time having a girl in my life who’s mom is from Europe and her dad has become accustomed to the ways as well. We got home from the beach and needed to wash the puppy off before she could come inside (Marley).
We bust the hose out, the hot left over water starts to gush. It turns cold and as some would, I turn and spray my girlfriend with cold water. She doesn’t seem to mind she’s actually laughing. My shithead move is going good..
little did I know what she would do next. As far as I know her parents are just behind the sliding glass door behind me. She starts ripping her bikini off. Top, ok a little crazy but still manageable, then goodbye bottoms. All caution to the wind- Butt ass naked in the yard dancing in the hose as if she hasn't had the "is it weird that I'm naked" thought yet. Impossible to wipe the smile off my face as I try to look at the ground. I can’t help but wince waiting to hear a -“what the fuck are you guys doing”? The only concern they had was that the neighbors might see. I can't help but think how amazingly different this situation could have gone. Easy breezy it was.
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